Home Books The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hoke: 481: Eric Barker

The Learning Leader Show with Ryan Hoke: 481: Eric Barker

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Eric Barker is the author The Wall Street Journal the bestseller “A tree on that tree”, which sold more than half a million copies and was translated into 19 languages. It was even the subject of a question on “Risk!More than 500,000 people subscribe to his weekly newsletter. His work was illuminated The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Financial Times, and others. Eric is also a sought-after speaker, having presented at MIT, Yale University, Google, US Central Command (CENTCOM), and the Olympic Training Center. His latest book is called Playing Well With Others.

  • love – Casanova said: “love is three quarters of curiosity.” This curiosity creates deep knowledge… And it helps you build what researcher John Gottman calls a “love map.” “Everyone asks how you got together; no one asks how you stayed together. And it is the latter that is often the real achievement to be proud of.”
  • Yours World Health Organization: Take your health, for example. The Framingham Study found that alcohol consumption, smoking, and obesity are highly contagious. If someone you consider a friend is obese, you are 53% more likely to be obese. And if the friendship is mutual, the figure increases to 171%.
    • “Friends are only there because you want them to be.”
    • “Friends make us happier than any other relationship.”
  • How to build deeper relationships with friends?
    • Time
    • Be Vulnerable – “Relationships grow at the speed of vulnerability.”
  • How to improve relations with a partner?
    • Do interesting things together – be active
    • Use emotional contagion – associate feelings with events
    • Bill Perkins – Create a Memory Dividend.
    • You need to learn and grow together
  • John Gottman asks couples to tell their stories…
    • Those who stick together note the difficulties
  • Profiling – “People tend to see meaning when there is none.” There is a fundamental reason that astrologers outnumber astronomers. Emotionally, we want a sense of control over the world around us. We are in desperate need of peace to at least seem like it made sense. And for that we need a story, even if it is not true.
  • Confirm offset: what is this And what are 3 ways to counter this?
    • Feel responsible
    • Distance to the decision
    • Consider the opposite
  • A lie – How to recognize a liar? The average college student lies in about a third of their conversations. For adults, it’s 1 in 5. In online dating, 81% of profiles are fake. And we’re terrible at detecting lies, averaging a 54% success rate.
    • So how do we best understand when someone is lying? This system requires patience (so it’s not useful for small lies, but can be powerful for more serious problems). “Mainstream science has recommended a subtle and sophisticated method that humans have never tried to detect lies in the last 5,000 years: to be kind Never be a bad cop, be a good journalist. You have to make them like you. Open up. Talk a lot. And make a mistake that reveals deception. Don’t accuse. Be curious.
  • Optimism – Shawn Achor’s Ted Talk (so funny and fast). MET Life saw such great results among satisfied sellers that they tried an experiment: they started hiring people based on optimism. It found that the optimistic group outsold their more pessimistic counterparts by 19% in the first year and 57% in the second year.
  • “Writing a book is like telling a joke and waiting two years to find out if it was funny or not.” — ALAIN DE BOTON
  • Eric is writing to launch his new book… Henry Thomas Buckle once said: “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.’ I’m here to discuss people.
  • Using the best available evidence—no platitudes or magical thinking—Eric examines multiple sides of the issue before reaching a verdict. What he’s discovered is surprising, mind-boggling, and timely—and will change the way you interact with the world and the people around you just when you need it most.
  • Life/Career Advice:
    • Define your personal definition of success
      • “You have to be able to say this enough.”

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